You belong with me
by sephirothflame
Summary: AU. Castiel has been in love with Dean Winchester for almost the entire time he's been working at the Roadhouse. Castiel/Dean.


Title: You belong with me  
Author: **sephirothflame**  
Rating: R  
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Castiel/Dean Winchester, Anna Milton, Ellen Harvelle, Jo Harvelle, Gabriel  
Warning(s): AU, some frottage, mild language, mental illness  
Spoiler(s): Vaguely for SPN episode 4.19, "_I know what you did last summer_" and for Karl, Sarah (and Micheal)'s story in _Love Actually_  
Prompt(s): I lost a bet to Lisa and had to write her a story, which she wanted based off of LA. This is story two of three.  
Word Count: 6,743  
Beta Reader: N/A  
Rants: I've written two LA stories now and neither of them has a happy ending. Huh.  
Summary: AU. Castiel has been in love with Dean Winchester for almost the entire time he's been working at the Roadhouse.  
Disclaimer: I don't own SPN or LA, sadly.

ETA: Fixed the missing scene breaks. Sorry for the confusion.

* * *

"Hey, Cas, my mom wants to see you," Jo said, leaning against the doorjamb as she watched Castiel. He hesitated for a second but finished counting the jars of olives before turning his attention to the blonde, fingers curled tightly around the clipboard in his hands. "She's in her office."

"Did she say about what?" Castiel asked and Jo shrugged her thin shoulders. Brow furrowed in confusion, Castiel stood up straighter and passed her the clipboard. "I've finished doing inventory."

"Sweet," Jo said, eyes scanning over the list. "Less work for me to do." Jo took the clipboard with her when she left and Castiel didn't really see any choice other than to follow her.

Castiel liked working at the Roadhouse. He didn't do much besides keep an eye on the inventory and help Ellen balance the books, but he made enough money that he didn't have to sell himself on the street or something equally stupid to pay for his crappy apartment and take care of Anna.

Anna, oh Anna. Stupidly sweet Anna. Castiel pinched the bridge of his nose before pulling his cellphone out of his pocket and glancing at the screen. It was a compulsion, a forced reaction for every time he thought about his sister. He didn't need to check, he'd known if she had called him. Castiel had picked an obnoxious ringer just for that purpose.

Castiel could feel Jo's eyes boring into him and he stared at her blankly in return. He squeezed his phone in his hand tightly, once, reassuringly, before tucking back into the pocket of his jeans. Whatever Jo wanted to say she bit back in favor of banging open the door to Ellen's office and waltzing right in.

"Found Cas, mom," Jo said, tossing the clipboard down onto the cluttered desk. Ellen made a frustrated sound before glaring at Jo, and Jo smiled sweetly at her.

"Go help Dean finish setting up," Ellen said, and Jo nodded her head before pushing past Castiel and out of the office. Ellen turned her attention back to her desk, sorting through papers for a long moment before making a pleased noise. Castiel resisted the urge to shift nervously, but Ellen was looking up at him again, a thoughtful expression on her face. "How are you doing, Cas?"

"I am well," Castiel said slowly, canting his head to the side. Ellen smiled – everyone smiled, really – at the action and Castiel nipped at his lower lip nervously. "Is there something specific you wished to speak about?" His mind ran through the events of the last few days, but he couldn't think of anything that would quite possibly have gotten him in trouble.

"Turn off your phone for a minute and tell me exactly how long you've been working at the Roadhouse," Ellen said, leaning back in her chair and folding her arms over her chest. She had a serious look on her face and Castiel fought the urge to squirm under the intensity of the gaze.

"I don't know, about two years," Castiel said, furrowing his brow again as he thought about it. "Two years, seven months, three days," He paused and glanced over at the clock. "And about two hours, I suppose."

"Right," Ellen said, nodding her head. Her expression softened slightly, before she continued. "And about how long have you been in love with Dean, our enigmatic but attractive weekend bar tender?"

"Oh," Castiel said, completely taken aback, a faint blush fighting it's way to his cheeks. So much for that being his dying secret, then. "About two years, seven months, three days and, I don't know, an hour and a half? I accomplished more in that first half hour than I did the rest of the evening."

"I thought as much," Ellen said contemplatively. She continued to stare at Castiel and he found he was unable to meet her gaze, so he stared out of the window behind her instead.

"Do you think everybody knows?" Castiel asked, swallowing the lump at the back of his throat.

"Well I know," Ellen said, shrugging. "Jo and Ash both know. Bobby's just pretty sure."

"Do you think Dean knows?" Castiel asked, clenching his eyes shut tightly before forcing himself to meet Ellen's gaze again. She was watching him with exasperated fondness.

"Most definitely," Ellen answered and Castiel had to bite back the bitter nausea tumbling around his stomach before he vomited all over the hardwood floor of Ellen's office. Somehow, he doubted she would forgive him for that anytime soon.

"This is bad," Castiel moaned softly, clenching his eyes shut and bringing his hands up to hide his face. "This is so very, very bad."

"Maybe you should quit whining about it like a little girl and just do something about it already," Ellen said. The mothering tone was gone, now replaced with her usual brusque one and Castiel couldn't help but tense up in reaction.

"Like what?" He asked, more bitterly than he intended to. Ellen narrowed her eyes at him, and Castiel shifted nervously, hands dropping to his sides. "I apologize."

"Whatever, kiddo," Ellen replied. She leaned forward in her chair, propping her elbows on her desk, fingers laced together and chin resting on them. "You could always ask him out for a drink – then after about twenty minutes casually drop into the conversation the fact you'd like to marry him and have lots of loud sex and adopt a half dozen babies."

Castiel didn't even bother trying to fight back the blush that spread across his features. "I don't want a half dozen babies..." Castiel muttered pathetically, but it was no use denying the rest of Ellen's statement. "How do you even know that?"

"Everyone knows that, Cas," Ellen replied, and once again she looked at him sympathetically. Before he could open his mouth to ask if Dean was one of those everyone, Ellen answered his unspoken question with, "When I say everyone, I do mean Dean. Especially Dean. Think about it Cas, for all our sakes."

"Right," Castiel muttered, eyes dropping to his shoes. "I will be sure to keep that in mind."

Whatever Ellen was going to say in response was interrupted by Dean knocking loudly on the open door. Castiel had to bite back a girlish squeal before turning to face him, flashing a weak smile.

"Hey, Cas," Dean said, smiling as green eyes flicking up and down Castiel's body quickly before he turned his attention to Ellen. "Ellen, I can't find the limes and Jo is being unhelpful."

"The limes are in the back of the freezer on the left," Castiel answered quickly. Dean looked at him, eyebrow quirked in amusement. "I just – I just finished doing stock. Er, hi. Dean. Hello."

"Hello," Dean said, smiling at Castiel brilliantly, amusement obvious on his face. Castiel didn't have to look over at Ellen to know she was staring at him pointedly. "Care to show me?"

"Of course," Castiel said, nodding his head. "Ellen," he said, lifting his hand in a halfhearted wave as he left her office.

"Sorry about that, Ellen," Dean said, shrugging and grinning at her.

"Shut the door behind you," Ellen said, shaking her head and turning her attention back to her mess of a desk. "Can't goddamn find anything in this place..." She muttered to herself and Dean closed the door behind himself.

"So," Dean said, bumping Castiel's shoulder as they walked through the Roadhouse on their way to the storage room.

"So," Castiel agreed, flashing another weak smile at Dean, who smiled faintly at him in return.

When they made it to the storage room, Castiel moved to open one of the two large fridges in the back of room but Dean caught his wrist, stopping him. He tried to fight the blush that spread across his cheeks and he ducked his head, eyes focused intently on where Dean was holding his wrist, the contact of skin on skin.

"Cas," Dean said softly, and Castiel looked up in time to see Dean lick his lips nervously. Dean brought up one hand, hesitantly reaching to touch Castiel's face, thumb brushing across Castiel's cheek slowly. Dean leaned towards him, eyes half lidded and Castiel could feel his heart jack hammering in his chest. Closing his eyes, Castiel leaned forward as well, could feel Dean's breath against his lips and -

- and whatever was about to happen between them was interrupted by the shrill sound of Castiel's cellphone.

"Sorry," Castiel said, putting a hand to Dean's chest and pushing him away gently, reluctantly, "I have to answer this." Dean's expression was ineffable as he nodded and Castiel watched him open the fridge and root around for the limes Castiel had said were in there. Inhaling sharply, Castiel answered his phone. "Hey, Anna..."

x

Dean had been about to kiss him. Dean Winchester had been about to kiss _him_. Dean would have kissed him if Anna hadn't called. Not that Castiel could blame Anna, he could never blame Anna, not for this. She didn't know, had no way of possibly knowing what she was interrupting.

Sighing heavily, Castiel couldn't keep the smile off of his face as he worked the rest of the day. He was distracted, he knew he was, but Ellen was too busy trying to sort out finances for her to yell at him. It wasn't Castiel's fault he couldn't concentrate. Every time his mind started to wander he couldn't help but remember the look in Dean's eyes, or how many freckles the guy had, or the way his breath had felt on Castiel's lips -

Castiel shook his head to clear his thoughts before glaring at the glasses in front of him. He was supposed to be putting them in the dishwasher to keep Dean with a steady supply, but he just couldn't keep his mind from wandering.

He had almost kissed Dean Winchester. Castiel thought his inability to concentrate was perfectly justified. Now if he could just convince Ellen, so she wouldn't fire him when she inevitably found out how little he had accomplished all day.

x

Hours later, Castiel was tidying up the Roadhouse. Jo and Ash had both disappeared and Ellen was in her office, which left Dean and himself to pick up the abandoned glass bottles, mugs and glasses and wipe down the counters and tables for the evening. They worked together in a comfortable silence, just like they always did, the jukebox in the corner playing CCR quietly.

"Well," Dean said after they'd finished, tugging his leather jacket on and passing Castiel his own tan trench coat. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow. Night, Cas."

Castiel hesitated, waited to see if Dean would try and kiss him again but the bar tender wouldn't meet his gaze. Sighing heavily, Castiel shrugged his coat on as well. "Goodnight, Dean," He said. "Drive safe."

Dean looked at him then, green eyes flashing brilliantly and his mouth was crooked into a smile. Oh, the things Castiel could do to that mouth... Castiel licked his lips nervously, flashing an embarrassed smile at Dean. Dean lifted one hand to reach for him but God apparently hated Castiel, because Castiel's phone started to ring loudly once again.

Dean hesitated for a moment before he shook his head and sighed, hand dropping to his side. "Night, Cas," He said again, over his shoulder as he made his way to the exit.

Castiel watched him leave before pulling out his cellphone and answering it. "Hey, Anna, what do you need?" He asked, trying to keep the depression out of his voice as he leaned back against the bar. "No, I am not currently doing anything, I'm free to talk."

Castiel couldn't help but stare at the exit helplessly after Dean, long after the bar tender had left, as he listened to his sister ramble.

x

Castiel was sitting in a booth towards the back of the Roadhouse trying to fill up saltshakers when Ellen cornered him. Well, cornered wouldn't be an accurate word. She simply sat across from Castiel and stared at him with that look she usually reserved for Jo and Ash when they were being particularly troublesome and Castiel couldn't help but shrink beneath her gaze.

Ellen held her hand out and Castiel passed her an empty saltshaker and they worked together in silence, just filling them, for a few minutes before Castiel broke. "Can I help you with something, Ellen?" He asked meekly, watching her over the wall of saltshakers.

"Just thought I'd see if you'd made any progress on our little match-making plan," Ellen said, her tone casual enough, but Castiel didn't miss the familiar gleam in her eyes. It looked like she was going to fight this tooth and nail if she had to. Castiel wasn't sure whether to be flattered or terrified.

He shrugged a shoulder simply before dropping his gaze to his hands. "Not really," he said, not willing to admit the two almost kisses. He couldn't bring himself to mention them in case they were just a fluke. Dean hadn't looked at him since the other night when they'd almost kissed. "I think he's too good for me," Castiel muttered.

Ellen snorted back laughter and shot Castiel an incredulous look. "I've known Dean his entire life," She said, shaking her head once before looking at Castiel again. "That kid's no better off than you are, Cas. He's an arrogant sonuva bitch who tends to get loose lipped when he drinks and he'll sleep with just about anything with a pulse. That don't change the fact the boy is totally smitten with you, though."

Castiel looked scandalized for a minute, barely stopping himself from shouting _Dean's perfect!_ and humiliating himself in front of the bar. Which would just be Ellen, Jo and himself, but that really wasn't the point. Castiel's phone went off, saving him from having to reply, and he didn't miss the way Ellen rolled her eyes when he answered it.

"Anna," Castiel said, slipping the phone between his ear and shoulder as he turned his attention back to filling the last of the saltshakers. "What can I do for you?"

"Hey, Jo," Ellen shouted across the bar as she slid out of the booth. "Did you find the goddamn Christmas decorations yet?"

x

The Roadhouse was always opened on Christmas Eve. Ellen claimed it was because some people just didn't have anywhere else to go, but Jo said it was because they got more business. Castiel didn't mind, not really. He was one of those people who didn't have anywhere else to go. It was kind of nice to be around other people for the Holiday.

Castiel was working as a waiter because Jo had disappeared somewhere about an hour prior but he didn't have time to be frustrated because he was constantly being run around delivering drinks and cleaning up messes people had made. Ellen and Bobby had tried to get him to join them at their table in the back, along with Ash, but Castiel preferred to work.

Besides, if he stopped, that would leave to Dean to run the bar almost singlehandedly which was sure not to bode well at all. Not that Castiel didn't have complete faith in Dean, but well, it was _Dean_.

"You having fun yet?" Dean asked when Castiel made his way back over to the bar to drop off a bunch of shot glasses. He was smiling brightly but he looked exhausted and Castiel fought back the urge to kiss away Dean's exhaustion.

"It has been a long night," Castiel said, which wasn't really an answer, but Dean huffed a laugh of agreement so Castiel assumed they were okay. He hesitated, before sliding into a stool at the bar in front of Dean. He could afford a few minutes respite. "Do you have any plans for tomorrow?" Castiel asked.

"I'm gonna have brunch with my brother Sam and his fiance Jess and her family," Dean said, shrugging his shoulders. He propped himself up on his elbows on the bar and leaned closer to Castiel, smiling coyly. "You have any plans?"

"I'm going to visit my sister Anna," Castiel said, smiling shyly back at Dean. "My older brother Gabriel is coming back into town tomorrow evening, as well. I haven't seen him in a very long time. It should be... nice."

"Sounds like it," Dean agreed. "So, you have a brother and a sister? You the baby?"

"I have three older brothers and an older sister," Castiel explained, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Michael and Luc and Gabriel and Anna. They are..." Castiel hesitated, then gestured vaguely with his hand. "Family."

"I can drink to that," Dean laughed. "Wait here, I'll get some shots." Castiel nodded his head and watched Dean grab two glasses and some vodka and poured them both a generous amount before passing one to Castiel. "To Family."

"To Family," Castiel agreed, and they clinked glasses before Castiel and Dean downed them both in one shot. "Dean, may I ask you a question?"

"Fire away," Dean said, grinning at Castiel again, green eyes shining in amusement.

Castiel licked his lips nervously and dropped his gaze to his empty glass, toying with it absentmindedly. "The other day – were you going to kiss me?" He asked, his voice barely a whisper. He couldn't bring himself to look up and meet Dean's gaze in case he somehow completely misjudged what had been happening between them.

"Cas," Dean said softly as he brought a hand up to cup Castiel's cheek in his hand, thumb stroking across his cheek. Blushing, Castiel looked up to meet Dean's gaze and Dean leaned forward across the bar to press his lips against Castiel's in a surprisingly chaste kiss. It only lasted for a moment and when Dean pulled away he was grinning, his own cheeks flushed as well. "Does that answer your question?"

"I believe so, yes," Castiel replied, smiling brilliantly. He hesitated before leaning forward to kiss Dean again, and Dean let him, parting his lips and letting their tongues brush against each other. _Best Christmas Eve ever_, Castiel thought.

x

"You want a ride home?" Dean asked, shrugging on his leather coat as he looked over his shoulder at Castiel. "There's like a foot of snow. You really shouldn't walk home in that."

"Isn't it more dangerous for you to drive in the snow than it is for me to walk in it?" Castiel asked, head cocked to the side. Dean laughed and handed him his coat and Castiel smiled shyly in response as he accepted it. "I would appreciate it."

"Good," Dean said, and that was that. The ride to Castiel's apartment was in comfortable silence with the exception of Castiel giving Dean directions, and Dean's hand rested on Castiel's thigh the entire way, a warm comforting weight. "This the place?" He asked, glancing over at Castiel as they pulled into the parking lot of a plain building.

"Yes," Castiel said, nodding his head. "Thank you for the ride, Dean." Castiel unbuckled his seat belt, his hand resting on the door handle before he smiled shyly at Dean. Dean quirked an eyebrow at him and Castiel slid across the seat to be closer to Dean and pulled him into another kiss.

It started off slow, lazy, like the kiss at the bar, the tentative exploration of each other but Dean shifted his weight and tugged Castiel closer and it moved on from there. Faces flushed as the kiss neared desperation and Castiel couldn't stop himself from making a needy sound when Dean's hand slipped up the back of his jumper and pressed his hot hand against the skin of the small of Castiel's back.

"Do you -" Castiel panted, breaking the kiss. Dean leaned forward to kiss him again, but Castiel brought up a hand to press two finger's to Dean's lips. "Do you want to come upstairs?" He asked, cheeks flushed, and Dean just grinned at him in response.

They somehow managed to get out of and lock the Impala before they made it in Castiel's building, and as soon as the elevator door closed behind them Dean pressed Castiel against the wall and started to kiss him again, open mouthed kisses across Castiel's jaw and neck. Five floors passed by too quickly, and Castiel had to force himself to not drag Dean closer and just have sex with him in the elevator.

Resisting the urge to tear each other's clothes off, they managed to stumble backwards to Castiel's apartment without breaking contact between them. As soon as the door shut behind them, Dean shrugged off his coat and practically tore Castiel's off of him. They were still moving backwards, in the vague direction of Castiel's bedroom and Castiel had to bite back a triumphant shout when they somehow managed to make it to his bed.

Kicking off his own sneakers and toeing off his socks, Castiel scrambled forward to pull Dean's tee over his head. Dean paused to unlace his boots and kick them off, watching Castiel tug off his own jumper before he pushed the smaller male to the bed and peppered his throat with kisses again. Dean bit down and sucked the flesh into his mouth and he made a pleased sound when Castiel moaned brokenly and clutched at his shoulders, nails digging in.

When he was satisfied by the red mark he had left, Dean tugged at Castiel's tee shirt and pulled that off as well before kissing down his chest hands roaming up and down Castiel's sides, tracing every inch of his skin with the barest touches of his fingertips.

When Dean's hand slipped down to squeeze Castiel's length through his jeans, Castiel moaned again. "Dean, _please_," he panted and Dean grinned at him before crawling back up Castiel's body to kiss him again, his tongue probing Castiel's mouth possessively. Whining, Castiel arched his hips up against Dean's and they both moaned when their groins pressed flush together.

"Straight to the point, aren't you, Cas?" Dean laughed breathlessly. He pushed himself back to sit on his heels as he fought his own belt buckle and jeans and Castiel followed Dean's lead to do the same to himself. Wiggling out of the last of their clothes, they tumbled back onto the bed together, naked, and Castiel rolled them so he was on top of Dean, smiling down at him. "Never thought it'd come to this," Dean murmured, bringing a hand up to stroke Castiel's cheek gently.

Castiel's eyes flickered shut at the gentle contact. Bracing himself with his palms flat against Dean's chest, Castiel ground his erection into Dean's and they both moaned brokenly. Dean's hands moved to Castiel's hips, gripping them tightly in his hands before he rocked up against Castiel in time with Castiel's grinding down. Castiel made a pathetic sound before leaning forward to capture Dean's mouth in another kiss.

They were interrupted by the muffled sound of Castiel's phone ringing, and Castiel pushed himself up to look over in the direction of his phone, worrying his lower lip between his teeth. "I should answer that," He said, shooting Dean a pathetic look.

Dean just grunted and let his head fall back onto the bed as he closed his eyes. Castiel pressed a gentle kiss to his lips before climbing off of Dean and retrieving his phone. "Hello, Anna," Castiel said, sitting cross legged on the end of the bed after he answered his phone. "No, I'm not busy," He continued, shooting Dean an apologetic look. "No – it's fine. Right. Right. Yes – no. I'm not sure it's going to be possible to get in touch with the Pope tonight, Anna - "

Castiel watched Dean push himself up onto his elbows and quirk an eyebrow. Castiel smiled thinly at him, before looking down at his lap, trying to ignore both Dean and his wilting hard on. "Yes, yes. Yes. No. I'm sure that he's very good at – exorcism?" Dean sat up now, running his hands through his hair and Castiel clenched his eyes shut and tried to stop the tears threatening to spill. Tonight could not end like this, not now. "Bon Jovi might be good at exorcisms but I've never heard of him – Don't worry, Anna, I'll look into it tomorrow. I promise."

Dean squeezed his forearm gently, reassuringly, and Castiel almost jumped out of his skin, startled by the contact. Castiel blushed and mouthed "sorry" and Dean just shrugged his shoulders. "Okay, goodnight Anna. I'll see you tomorrow. No, I won't forget, I promise. Goodbye." Hitting the end call button, Castiel shot Dean a bathetic look. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Dean said, shrugging his shoulders. He smiled gently at Castiel and Castiel smiled weakly in return before drawing his knees up to his chest and staring at them blankly. "Seriously, Cas, don't worry about it."

"It's my sister," Castiel muttered, resting a cheek against his knees and looking at Dean, exhausted. Dean looked like he'd figured that out already – Castiel had mentioned earlier that night his sister was named Anna, and it was sort of the rumor at the Roadhouse. "She's not well. She calls a lot."

"I'm really sorry, Cas," Dean said softly. He brought his hand up to touch Castiel's cheek again before running his fingers through Castiel's hair. Castiel smiled faintly and let his eyes slip closed as Dean massaged his scalp gently.

"It's fine," He murmured in response, sighing heavily. He opened his eyes and Dean stopped petting him to meet his gaze. "I mean, it's not fine – but it's what it is. My parents – they're gone, now – died – few years ago. Well, Mother died when I was a kid. Dad died just a few years ago. Gabriel left long before that and Michael and Luc both had their whole lives ahead of them, you know? It sort of fell on me to take care of her. Not that I mind, I love my sister, I'm glad to do it. Anna is -"

Castiel smiled pathetically and Dean leaned forward to kiss him again, tenderly. "It's alright, Cas," He said, "Life is full of – you know – interruptions and complications and shit." He gestured vaguely with one hand before gently tugging Castiel towards him.

Castiel went willingly, sliding onto Dean's lap shyly. His arms wrapped around Dean's neck as Dean wrapped his own around Castiel's hips and tugged him closer. They kissed slowly, the mood from before having been successfully killed, but Castiel didn't mind; Dean still wanted him. Sighing into Castiel's lips, Dean nipped at his jaw gently before nuzzling and Castiel arched his neck to give Dean better access

Dean pressed more open mouthed kisses along Castiel's throat, dragging one hand up Castiel's back tantalizingly slow before tangling his fingers in Castiel's hair. Castiel's cellphone started ringing again and Castiel bit back a pathetic sob and Dean sighed heavily against Castiel's neck. "Will it make Anna better, Cas?" Dean asked softly.

Castiel hesitated, his arms slipping from around Dean's neck to land in his own lap and he stared at his phone pathetically. "No," Castiel whispered, curling his fingers into fists, nails biting into the palm of his hands as he fought the urge to reach for his cellphone.

"Then maybe," Dean said slowly, resting his forehead on Castiel's shoulder. "Maybe you shouldn't answer." Castiel shuddered and felt tears prick at he corner of his eyes. "Just this once, Cas. Just this once."

"I'm sorry," He whispered, pushing away from Dean and crawling over to his phone and answering it. "Hello, Anna," He said sullenly, sitting with his back to Dean. "How are you? Right. Of course. No – don't – please don't, Anna. I promise we're going to find the answer. I promise, Anna, I promise. We're going to make the Angels go away. No, I'm not just saying it to appease you, Anna."

Castiel didn't have to be looking to know Dean was giving him one of those exhausted, annoyed looks he usually reserved for Jo. "No, I'm not busy, Anna," Castiel's voice trembled, and he brought his knees up to his chest and buried his face between them. "Right now? It's late, Anna... No, no. I'll – I'll come right now, if you want me to. Of course. I love you, too, Anna. I'll see you in a few."

Castiel and Dean sat in silence for a long while after Castiel ended the call, not looking at each other. Eventually, Dean sighed heavily and slipped off the bed and started grabbing his clothes and began getting dressed. He tossed Castiel his clothes and they dressed in silence, not meeting each other's gaze.

"I'm sorry, Dean," Castiel said dejectedly. He looked up at Dean, but Dean was pointedly staring at his boots as he laced them up. "Anna needs me. I'm all she has." He hesitated, before laying a hand on Dean's shoulder and Dean shrugged him off. "Please, Dean."

"Forget about it, Cas," Dean said gruffly. He stared at the ceiling, trying to calm down before he looked at Castiel again. "Seriously, man. Just forget it. Go see your sister. She needs you."

"Maybe some other time?" Castiel asked quietly, trying to keep his voice from trembling. Dean was moving through Castiel's apartment, but he hesitated and glanced over his shoulder at Castiel, and shrugged his shoulders.

"Sure," Dean said without conviction. "Some other time." Castiel watched him go and didn't bother trying to stop him. He wasn't an idiot, he knew he'd just missed his chance. Maybe, eventually, Dean would forgive him but Castiel doubted that would happen anytime soon.

Forgetting his promise to Anna, just for a moment, Castiel leaned back against the wall and slid down it's length till he was on the floor. He drew his knees up to his chest and didn't bother fighting the bitter tears from slipping down his cheeks. It just wasn't _fair_. He loved his sister, he did, but he just wished he could get one night free from her incessant calls. Just one night, was that too much to ask for?

x

The room Anna was living in at the hospital was plain, sterile and if it wasn't for the petite redhead balled in upon herself on the lone cot, the room would look unlived in. Everything was shades of gray, including Anna, and it depressed Castiel to be there. There used to be a picture of their family, but Anna had ripped it to shreds in one of her fits.

"Hello, Anna," Castiel said softly. Anna was slow to respond, uncurling herself from her ball before sitting up on her bed and blinking tiredly at him. "How are you?" Anna shot him a dark look, and Castiel sighed heavily, before sitting on the other side of the bed. "I was coming to visit you tomorrow, you know. I promised."

"You also promised you would make the Angels go away," Anna hissed, fingers curling into fists. "You promised my brothers would never try and hurt me – you promised!"

"No one is trying to hurt you, Anna," Castiel said soothingly, reaching over to brush Anna's hair from her face. She let him, watching him with suspicious eyes. "Michael and Luc haven't been around for a long time and you used to beat Gabriel up, do you remember?"

"They're trying to kill me," Anna said, her stony resolve breaking. In an instant she was pathetic and tiny and she practically crawled onto Castiel's lap, nuzzling into his chest and sobbing pathetically against him. "They're all trying to kill me! They say I'm not supposed to be here, I should be dead – why do my brothers want to kill me, Cassie? You can't let them kill me!"

Castiel wrapped his arms around Anna tightly, protectively, and kissed the top of her head. "I won't let anyone hurt you, Anna." She continued to sob into his jumper, clutching at it tightly in her fists and Castiel bit back the urge to cry as well. He couldn't break in front of Anna, there was no telling how she would take it. "I'm not going to let anyone hurt you," He whispered into her hair soothingly. "I promise."

x

Castiel was awoken by his cellphone ringing the next day. He fought against his initial reaction to scream into his pillows until he realized the ringer wasn't for Anna. Wiping the sleep from his eyes with the back of his hand, Castiel reached for his bedside table until he found his cellphone and grumbled an exhausted "Hello, Gabriel" into it.

"_Hey, Bro_," Gabriel greeted chipperly and Castiel hated him for it. It was just past eight, no one should be that awake that early in the morning. "_Any idea why Anna called me last night and screamed about how our brothers and I were going to kill her but you weren't going to let that happen?_"

_Oh no_, Castiel thought, bringing a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry, Gabriel. She isn't supposed to call anyone but me," He explained sleepily before rolling off of his stomach and sitting up. "They had to switch her meds again but I don't think these ones are any good, either."

"_No kidding_," Gabriel agreed, before making a thoughtful noise. "_Honestly though, she doing okay? I know these last few years have been pretty rough since Dad died._" It was strange to hear concern coming from Gabriel but Castiel was too tired to put much thought into it.

"She will be fine," Castiel said slowly, the silent _eventually_ hanging between them. "Did you want something in particular, Gabriel, or did you call to simply wake me up?"

"_Wah_," Gabriel huffed. "_I just called to check up on my favorite baby brother_ - " they both ignored the fact that Castiel was Gabriel's only little brother " -_ and to see if you were going to go see Anna today._"

"Of course I'm going to see Anna today," Castiel said, furrowing his brow. "It's Christmas. Besides, I promised her."

Gabriel was quiet for a long moment and Castiel was positive he could hear his older brother chewing on the other end of the line. Thirty five years old and he still lacked basic etiquette. "_Tell her I said 'hi'_," Gabriel said eventually, his tone casual. "_I've got to get ready for my flight. I'll see you tonight, Bro. Take care of yourself._"

"You as well, Gabriel," Castiel said. Gabriel made an affirmative sound before hanging up and Castiel tossed his phone back onto his bed. He debated curling back up in the covers and just going back to sleep, but he was already awake. Goddamn Gabriel for being a morning person.

x

"Do you remember the year Father let Michael carve the ham and we had to go to the emergency room because he cut his hand open?" Castiel asked. He was sitting cross legged with Anna on her bed at the hospital, and the two of them were playing Go Fish. She was winning, but only because Castiel was letting her. "Do you have a five?"

"Go fish," Anna said, shaking her head. She hesitated, fingers skimming over her own cards before asking Castiel, "Do you have a three?" She paused, head cocked to the side. "Is that the year Gabriel ran away for the first time?"

Castiel passed over the three before reaching and pulling a card from the small stack. "Yeah," Castiel said, swallowing. "He refused to come home for Christmas even though Father begged and begged." That wasn't the part of the story Castiel had wanted to think about and he bit the inside of his cheek. "Michael got seven stitches that year. Do you have an eight?"

"Here," Anna said, passing the card over. She tapped her chin in thought before running her hand through her hair, shaking her head so the red strands slipped over her shoulders and her bangs fell into her face. She was silent for a long while and Castiel startled when he realized she was just staring at him. "Are you doing okay, Cas? You were upset last night."

"It was nothing," Castiel said, shrugging his shoulders as nonchalantly as he could manage. "I just – I don't think the guy I like likes me anymore." The look Anna gave him was sympathetic and Castiel couldn't help but feel angry at her. It was her fault, after all. "It's your turn," he pointed out.

"I love you, Cas," Anna said softly, dropping her cards and moving across the bed to sit by Castiel and drag him into a hug. "I'll always be here for you." Sighing heavily, Castiel buried his face in the crook of his sister's neck and she rubbed his back reassuringly, making soft soothing noises.

He might have been crying by that point but he didn't remember. Anna tightened her grip on him and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. He knew when he realized he couldn't remember the last time his sister comforted, he was definitely crying into her shoulder. "I love you, too," He whispered into her skin.

"Everything is going to be okay, Cas," Anna whispered, rubbing small circles into his back. "Don't worry, baby, your big sister will protect you. I won't let the Angels get you." Castiel couldn't help it, he openly sobbed at the comment.

x

The next time Castiel went into work at the Roadhouse, Dean wouldn't even look at him. Castiel's heart broke all over again.


End file.
